With only six days remaining until the After Forever premier, and only 15 days until I graduate from Western Washington University, I feel different parts of me searching for different endings to this splendid journey. There are dozens of ways my academic finale could unfold, and, with the added pressure of releasing an entertaining, quality webseries, I’m feeling the pressure to choose a single path. The best place for me to start is by listening to what my body, mind and spirit need: My academic mind wants this webseries to end so I can focus on my final exams, but my creative mind sees nothing wrong with dropping out two weeks before graduation to pursue film and theater. My active body wants to chuck the lap top I’m using out the window and go Kayaking in Bellingham Bay, but my weary, tired body enjoys sleep and wants to reconnect with the supine position it’s so ungraciously ignored. My centered spirit wants to stop the struggle and either camp in the woods or click on Game of Thrones and hold off on life until tomorrow, but my childlike spirit wants to unlock the safety doors and jump into the next part of life!
These different sides of me would all tell a different story if one of them took precedence over the rest. But, amazingly, throughout the insanity we politely call After Forever, not one of these needs has overthrown the others; exhausted though I may be, all my needs have been met despite this production. It’s as if big projects like this build up your diligence muscles, and by the time there are a thousand things to pay attention to, you’ve got the mind meat to handle them all, including things like relaxing with friends, taking walks in the woods, and eating an entire gallon of Tillamook Espresso Mocha Ice Cream by yourself. (Yourself here meaning, “without sharing,” not “alone”. Several people recently discovered my fondness for frozen lactose.)
When After Forever premiers six days from now, we’ll see what portion of the story gets written. Who knows which side of me will need what. (Though at the premier, most sides of me will probably be nervous and in need of hugs.) And in 15 days, when my identity as a student is inked onto an 11 by 81/2 piece of paper and kissed by a WWU seal, maybe I’ll laugh. Maybe I’ll cry, maybe I’ll be too nervous to see who’s hand I’m shaking on stage. My personal bet is that laughter will become crying, and then an odd melange of excited/scared/uncomfortable-in-these-robes/yay-for-summer excitement will kick in.
Regardless of the ending, a story will be told. I just have to take a breath, and trust myself to write it.